The Veil War

“Chihauha Actual, possible hostiles. Location 1000 meters north-northwest our position. Unknowns appear to be Nazi Dinosaurs. Over.”

Fuck you very much, Mumbles. Wait, what? “Poodle, say again all after Unknowns. Over.”

“Wiernerdog Actual, I say again, Nazi Dinosaurs. November, Alfa, Zulu, India. Fucking Nazis. Fucking Dinosaur Nazis.” You have got to be kidding me, I thought. All the little morons love their Sergeant. And now he’s one of them.

“ARE YOU FUCKING HIGH MUMBLES?”

The radio went dead.

“Goddammit!” I walked into the command tent.

Corporal Dennison came up holding a piece of paper gingerly with two fingers. “Sir, I can’t understand what you’ve written here.”

“It’s English, Dennison, read it.”

“Sir, I’m not sure about that. What’s a ‘whither machine’?”

“Nevermind. Mumbles called in hostiles, between him and the OP.”

I called to Doubting Thomas. “Get first squad mounted up. Take… Fuck, just take everything.”

Sergeant Thomas strode down the dusty path, screaming. Behind him he left a dusty tornado of scrambling soldiers.  God damn, I think I’m getting an officer stiffy.

“Call this in. I want air on station in five minutes, ready to pound shit flat. Fuckheads if they’re there, Mumbles if they’re not.”

“And get fucking Mumbles back on. I want words with him.”

***

Five minutes later, four Humvees raced across the sere ground, leaving the base and the Afghan village behind. A line of dusty green marked the line of the river. All around the heights towered above, beautiful and a vast hiding place for the armed and disgruntled.

The men were tight; watchful and alert. I gave the map to the corporal. He could read it. “Fuck!” I screamed as my head almost tagged the dash, and my Humvee almost assfucked the Humvee in front. “Why the fuck we stop?” I looked around, saw nothing. I grabbed my carbine and unassed the Humvee.

Doubting Thomas peered down range through his Zeiss binoculars. “Sup’, Thomas?”

“Sir, have the locals started growing bigger camels?”

“Aah, negative. Do I want to know why you ask?”

Thomas let loose a shallow sigh. “You’re gonna hate this sir.”

“What!”

“There’s a column of brontosauruses or whatever the fuck. They’ve got swastikas on them.”

“You are fucking with me.” Thomas handed me the glasses. It took me a second to focus, but Holy Mother of Shit.

“You forgot to mention all the artillery on their backs.”

“I was getting to that,” Thomas said. “And if I’m not mistaken, those are a couple Panzer IVs”

“Where the fuck did Mumbles find nazi dinosaurs? He’s praying to Elder Gods just to fuck with me.”

Two A-10s streaked overhead. Dennison handed me the radio.

***

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